Sexual Wellness Outside the Bedroom

RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION

In the confusing world of relationships, there are no simple answers to questions regarding compatibility, proper communication, or anything for that matter. Every couple is unique in a multitude of ways and you must recognize this before reading the below suggestions. You should always take your partner's needs and sensitivity into account before worrying about other issues. We will start with some problems and ways to resolve them. Please, remember that these are suggestions from relationship experts and from couples that have emailed us concerning specific situations and the outcomes of using these techniques. In no way are these universal answers

Arguments

All healthy relationships have their share of arguments. This can make or break your relationship. Healthy arguing informs the other partner of his or her problems and initiates constructive communication. Destructive arguing causes tempers to flare, bitter break-ups, panic attacks and sometimes even violence. A couple's ability to discern between these two types is essential. If you and your partner's arguments have become too hostile or too destructive, a change must be made. This is very difficult to do as usually one of the two partners is less open minded than the other. Changing your fighting habits will not be easy. Instead of thinking as an individual fighting for what you feel is right or warranted. You must think as a team with your partner as one. There is no "winner". Building a healthy relationship with you and your partner, should be the only goal of arguing.

When you do begin to get angry during an argument, step back and take a few deep breaths, count to one hundred. Take whatever steps that you deem necessary to calm yourself down. If you must, leave the situation for the night or the weekend perhaps. Do not act impulsively - this has never and will never help a relationship. The Mexican, with Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt, showed a simple way to diffuse an argument - call a timeout. This seems childish, but can often be the only way to release tensions. Ask yourself, "What is this argument about? Do we need to argue over this? Should we postpone this fight and wait until we cool down? Is it so trivial that we need not discuss it again?" The answers to these questions should help you decide your next move.

From arguments to casual discussions

As you begin to venture out of the realm of destructive arguing into a more healthy form of communication, there are a few concepts to understand when bringing up issues you may have with your partner. First, do not keep small bothersome things to yourself. Eventually, these will build up and cause an argument or they will be used as ammunition in an argument of no relevance to what you previously kept in. For example, while rushing to work each morning, you make a mess of the bathroom sink with your facial hair, leave the coffee maker on, and spill at least something somewhere in the process. You leave to work without cleaning and you don't thank your partner for cleaning up when you get home. This creates a problem and will not take long to build up to an all out fight. For the partner staying home, you must bring the issue up as soon as possible without being too negative. "Honey, could you either be a bit more careful in the bathroom and kitchen each morning? You left a mess today." Or you could make a suggestion, "If you wake up an extra ten minutes earlier, you won't have to rush in the morning and I won' have to clean up after you."

Granted, there are some things that are so trivial that it would be better to just not say anything about. However, even the most trivial things can build up to an easily avoidable confrontation. Communication is essential in every relationship. If each partner knew what ticked off their loved one, 99% of arguments could be avoided.

Guidlines for constructive arguments

DO -:

Understand the problem before you start arguing over it